More Human Than We Thought
by DeHaanedToDeath
Summary: A simple comment made by his Father drives Loki to do something no one thought possible.
1. Father

Loki was a simple teenager. He enjoyed reading, magic and the occasional sweet treat from Midgard. He was currently sitting in the grounds, focusing on learning some new spells and sucking on a lollipop his Father had bought him from Midgard. Thor and his friends were sparring not too far away. Sif's voice drifted over to where Loki was sitting.

"Fat. All he does is eat sweets from Midgard."

Loki sat up sharply, almost dropping his book. What had Sif just said? It was obviously about him, he was the only one who enjoyed Midgardian food. He slowly stood and went to his chambers, continuing to suck the lolly. Was he fat? He had certainly gained weight recently but he would not say he was fat. He set his book down on his desk and finished the lolly off, chewing what was left of the ball of sugar. He shrugged his jacket off and looked at himself side on in the mirror. The door opening caused Loki to jump.

"Loki, son."

"Father."

Loki smiled weakly at his Father, bending down to pick his jacket up off the floor, folding it and placing it at the end of the bed.

"Father... May I ask you something..?"

"Of course, son. What is on your mind?"

"Am I.. Overweight?"

Odin burst into laughter and Loki forced a smile onto his face.

"Son, you are not overweight. If I did not know better, I would say you were anorexic."

"Anorexic?"

"A Midgardian illness. We Aesir do not suffer from it."

Loki nodded.

"If you will excuse me, Father, I am practicing my magic. I was just leaving to the library."

Odin nodded and left. Loki slid his jacket on and glanced at himself in the mirror before leaving.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loki ran his fingers over the spines of the Midgardian books as he read the information. He picked up a medical dictionary and gently flicked through the pages. He spotted the term and ran his finger along the page as he read.

'Anorexia: an illness of the mind where people sees themselves as overweight and so starve themselves.'

There was a picture included. Loki ran his finger over the woman. She was beautiful. The way her bones were prominent against her skin made him smile a little. Loki gripped the page in his hand and ever so silently tore it from the book. Replacing the book, he folded the page and slid it into his jacket pocket, going for dinner when he heard the usual bell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night, Loki snuck out of his chambers and curled up in a chair in the library, reading more about anorexia. It sounded terrible and yet the women were so beautiful, even the men looked fragile; graceful. Page after page; picture after picture was slid into his pocket. Upon seeing the sun streaming through the window, he jumped up, startled. The books jumped back to their places on the shelves as Loki rushed back to his chambers. Turning a corner, he rushed into his Mother and ended up on the floor.

"Loki! Were you up all night in the library again? What have I told you about that?"

Loki blushed and nodded.

"I am terribly sorry, Mother. I only went to return a book..."

Frigga frowned above him.

"Go and get ready for breakfast, hurry now."

Loki went to obey, getting up and walking down the corridor before turning.

"Oh, Mother, I am not feeling up to breakfast... I shall not be eating."

Frigga nodded and continued down to the hall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the months passed, Loki became more and more sullen. He rarely joined his family in the hall for meals, preferring to take them in his room, using magic to make them disappear.

Loki glared at his reflection in the mirror, pinching at some fat. How had he gained weight? He had starved himself for two weeks straight this time. Not one note. Where had it come from? He yelled out and slammed his fist against the mirror, not caring as shards dug into his hand. Why could he not look like those women; men; teenagers? Why was he cursed to look overweight? He slipped his shirt back on, curling up on his bed to sob. His door opened and he sat upright. Thor stuck his head around the door. The useless oaf.

"Loki? Brother? I heard yelling- what happened to your hand?"

"A spell went wrong and I hit my mirror..."

Thor walked over and looked over it.

"You should heal this."

Loki rolled his eyes, the wound healing before Thor had finished.

"What do you wish for, Thor?"

"I am going to Midgard. I was wondering if you wished for something sweet."

Anger coursed around Loki's body.

"No I do not wish for something sweet. Now leave me."

Thor got up and left, looking back worriedly at Loki's even slimmer figure.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thor arrived on Midgard and was pleased to see Darcy and Tony waiting for him.

"Darcy! Man of Iron! How lovely it is to see you!"

"Yea good to see you too big guy."

"Thor!"

Thor hugged Darcy back and followed Tony to the car which would take them all back to SHIELD headquarters.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once they had shared greetings, Thor sat down, more quiet than he usually was. Clint was the one to notice.

"Hey, Thor, what's wrong big boy?"

"I am worried about my brother, Loki. He seems much skinnier than usual, he never comes to eat with us anymore, he barely leaves his chambers. It has been like this for months."

Natasha cleared her throat.

"Thor... Has anyone actually seen him eat recently?"

Thor shook his head and Steve and Bruce shared a look.

"Thor... It sounds like Loki's anorexic.."

"Anorexic?"

Tony sat next to Thor.

"It's the term to describe people who have anorexia. It's something to do with their minds. They see themselves as fat and starve themselves to become skinny."

"Aesir do not suffer from your mortal problems."

Thor laughed before Natasha shrugged.

"You said he's adopted- anyway just look into it Thor.. It could end up killing him..."


	2. Brother

Thor returned to Asgard that night, thoughts rolling through his mind. What Natasha had said was correct; Loki was indeed adopted, he was not an Aesir. Would his mind be more susceptible to such issues as anorexia?

Instead of heading back to his chambers, Thor went straight to Loki. Without knocking, he threw the doors open in time to see Loki magic food away.

"BROTHER!"

Loki jumped around with a yell before starting to cry.

"Brother why?"

"Because... I want to be so thin, light, airy, that... that when the light hits me, I do not leave a shadow behind... that when I walk across the snow I will not leave so much as one footprint to mar its virgin purity... that I can dance between the raindrops in a downpour. I want my bones to be on show, they all look so gorgeous... And then there is me... Skin is disgusting. I want to see my bones. I will continue to do this to the bone."

Loki was yelling, tears pouring down his face as he crumpled to his bed, sobbing into his hands. Thor felt a pang in his chest for his younger brother and sat down, pulling Loki into his lap. His brother was much too light, too fragile.

"I heard yelling- Loki, son, what ever is wrong?"

Frigga knelt down in front of the two boys and Thor motioned outside, letting Loki cry in the bed. Their Mother followed Thor out of the room, glancing at Loki sobbing on the bed.

"Mother, what do you know of anorexia?"

"Why? Is it a mortal disease where they starve themselves to be thin..."

She drifted off and looked back at Loki before looking up at Thor.

"Not my little boy..."

She rushed off to find Odin, furious and at the same time, heartbroken.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One month since the family had found out. One month since Loki had been subject to the Healers. One month since he had been forced to eat, despite his protests. Today was one of those days. Thor could feel his heart breaking as he watched Loki being held down to the bed, Frigga gently slipping a spoon full of soup into his mouth. Thor leant down and pressed a kiss to Loki's forehead. He threw an arm out, smacking Thor. It was obvious he blamed his brother. Thor stood and took a step back, tears falling down his face, watching their parents leave.

"I just wanted to help you Loki... I do not wish for you to hate me but I do wish for you to get better."

"I did not need to get 'better'. I was fine. Now, look at me, I am fat... I am disgusting."

Thor felt like a knife had just been pushed through his heart. He stared at his brother's fragile ribs, almost slicing through his skin. He stared at the way his chest barely rose when he breathed; crackling sound when he took breaths caused yet more tears to fall down Thor's face.

"Do not pretend you care. Leave me. I SAID LEAVE ME."

Thor swallowed hard and stumbled out of the room, shutting the door after him. He went to walk off before stopping. He pushed the door open and went to speak, frowning when he saw Loki was not on the bed. He heard gagging and ran into the bathroom, yanking Loki from the toilet.

"NO LET ME GO!"

"MOTHER! FATHER! GUARDS! SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE!"

Loki sobbed and screamed as people held him back, someone casting a spell to render him unconscious.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loki's mind slowly faded back into consciousness, the sound of sobbing evident to his clouded mind. His eyes slowly flickered open and he glanced at his family, crying with each other by the side of his bed. Frigga saw him and let out a shriek, flinging herself over to the bed, and wrapping her arms around Loki tightly. His arms slowly reached up to wrap around her.

"M-Mother... Why are you crying..?"

"My little boy... You are destroying your body and it breaks my heart."

"I am just trying to look perfect for everyone..."

"YOU WERE PERFECT!"

Her words hit Loki in his heart. Suddenly, it looked like everything was brighter. His Mother was right. He had been perfect. He looked down at his ribs and swallowed hard.

"M-Mommy..? Could you get me something to eat..?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Year time lapse~

Loki slowly walked through the palace gardens, fingers brushing over delicate flowers. His Mother was a talented gardener. He reached his hand into his jacket pocket and took out the pictures of the Midgardian men and women. He felt a familiar pang in his chest as he looked at their ribs, their shoulders, their cheeks. His hand curled against his stomach. They were so beautiful...

Loki shook his head sharply. No. He would never, could never go back down that road. It had taken them until now to recover, even now it was hard for him to eat at times. He sat the pictures in the palm of his hand and watched them curl into each other as they set alight. The fire burned in his eyes as he watched them dissolve to ashes. He gently brought his hand to his face and blew them out of his hand. The wind took them, scattering them among the gardens as Loki turned to walk back into the castle. Upon turning a corner, he bumped into Thor, sending him sprawling on the floor with a cry.

"Brother!"

Thor stuck his hand out and took ahold of Loki's arm, helping him back up.

"I am on my way for dinner, Loki... Would you accompany me?"

Loki carefully brushed his robes off before nodding and grinning up at Thor.

"I would love to..."


End file.
